Sunshowersy (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
sunshowerdandelion) wrote2024-11-23 09:26 pm
sunshowerdandelion) wrote2024-11-23 09:26 pm
Day 190.1: Living a Thought-About Life
I think these past few weeks I've skimped on the 'actually living an intellectual life' part of my life. My writing has been frankly slapdash. I haven't been obsessing about it in a way that feels focused. My readings - they're at a better place, but I use reading to procrastinate from writing, when it isn't that. And I've been constantly craving and thinking about games, but when I play them, I think about something else.
It really is a challenge, in this time of distraction, to create something, even something as small as fanfiction. Even now my attention is elsewhere.
Maybe the solution is to be less - in control. I think some of this is my very weird productivity brain going "What next? What next? Which fire to put out next?" and then getting very confused when I'm asking it to linger and write. It's very difficult to shut it down because this is the brain-mode that's getting me through life, and my work does require that sort of hair-trigger alarm. Maybe I need a buffer time? To stop the clanging. I'll try that tomorrow, and try to write in a way that doesn't get me so anxious that I'm doing nothing, nothing.
It really is a challenge, in this time of distraction, to create something, even something as small as fanfiction. Even now my attention is elsewhere.
Maybe the solution is to be less - in control. I think some of this is my very weird productivity brain going "What next? What next? Which fire to put out next?" and then getting very confused when I'm asking it to linger and write. It's very difficult to shut it down because this is the brain-mode that's getting me through life, and my work does require that sort of hair-trigger alarm. Maybe I need a buffer time? To stop the clanging. I'll try that tomorrow, and try to write in a way that doesn't get me so anxious that I'm doing nothing, nothing.