Day 34.1: This Fragile Mood
Jun. 18th, 2024 06:46 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
sunshowerdandelionI'm feeling quite fragile tonight - by which I mean I feel melancholic and lonely. I think this is one of the best moods to write in... if it's not overwhelming, and tonight it does tip a little towards the overwhelming. So I think I'll read. When I'm feeling especially fragile I tend to read literary works better, be more focused on the characters, empathize more. Some 'writers of misery', like Anita Brookner, I can only read when I'm in this mood or have access to it - but when I do, it's always a tremendously profound experience. One of my most recent and cherished experiences was when I read A Friend from England while in this sort of mood, and there was a scene recounting someone swimming, and it read as tremendously profound to me.
A few years ago, when my breakup was fresh, I had more ready access to this sort of mood. At the time I felt like the walking wounded. Now, three years on, it has gotten harder, and it feels weird to say this but I sort of miss the hair-trigger melancholy I had back then. I had a lot of love left over which I then poured into writing, and I made a heartfelt (if very clumsy) novel-length fic. So I'm feeling quite ambivalent about the return of this sort of mood - I hope I'll be able to provoke it more reliably, in the future.
A few years ago, when my breakup was fresh, I had more ready access to this sort of mood. At the time I felt like the walking wounded. Now, three years on, it has gotten harder, and it feels weird to say this but I sort of miss the hair-trigger melancholy I had back then. I had a lot of love left over which I then poured into writing, and I made a heartfelt (if very clumsy) novel-length fic. So I'm feeling quite ambivalent about the return of this sort of mood - I hope I'll be able to provoke it more reliably, in the future.
