sunshowerdandelion | Day 127.1: Bad Vegan Watching (Reply)

I actually really empathized with Sarma in the documentary Bad Vegan. If my partner were that abusive, I'd also probably be dragged until the bitter end. People would ask "Why did she do that?" as well. There's this stolid, quiet-suffering, stubborn and grim-faced streak that I felt from Sarma, especially towards the end. I too would probably commit crimes for unclear, uhhhh idk partner-adjacent reasons. There's this strange persistence I sometimes get where I want to see the end of what is probably (probably, maybe) a bad decision. Call it resignation, but it's more wilful than that. Forcing an end somewhat.

I think in more optimistic moods I call it amor fati, but that's too grandiose a name for what is essentially wanting to lie down and get run over already. I think this tendency disbars me from any dreams of marriage.