21.01.2025 (1): Freezing Up
Jan. 21st, 2025 09:25 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
sunshowerdandelionI am freezing up. My writing is rattling with all the constructs I've placed on it these past few months, my reading is joyless, me trying to correct something that I dimly thought was wrong. Maybe now I can sit back a bit: not make writing a chore, not make reading a chore. Not having it be efficient - and that's my mindkiller, isn't it, the thought that people won't stop to see my work when I don't hit all moving targets, when in reality they'll not read my works anyway.
So: obsess. So: write my own beauty. I think there was a bit about this in An Actor Prepares, about the self-censoring mind. So be happy, me! Nobody will read me, whatever I write! There is freedom in this.
And don't be too efficient. I think it's expectation: I believe that, after having sympathy etc etc I'll always turn out good work. That isn't true. Remember it can be taken away at any time, my ability to write. So do all those things but don't expect ease.
I think in music they call this 'the yips'. I don't know if it'll ever be easy, I suspect it will never be. But try to lay back, it's alright.
So: obsess. So: write my own beauty. I think there was a bit about this in An Actor Prepares, about the self-censoring mind. So be happy, me! Nobody will read me, whatever I write! There is freedom in this.
And don't be too efficient. I think it's expectation: I believe that, after having sympathy etc etc I'll always turn out good work. That isn't true. Remember it can be taken away at any time, my ability to write. So do all those things but don't expect ease.
I think in music they call this 'the yips'. I don't know if it'll ever be easy, I suspect it will never be. But try to lay back, it's alright.
